These Kittens Are Not As Cool As They Should Be

Folks, here's the deal. My awesome cat died last December. He was freakin' cool. Now I've got these 2 kittens, and they're not as cool as they should be! They're kind of dumb and boring!

Actually one of them is kind of cool. He comes when you call his name and does funny/weird stuff like chase his tail and accidentally shut himself into a dresser drawer. And he's fluffy.

But the other one is super annoying. He's squirmy. He's constantly in your face, but can't handle being picked up or petted. It's like trying to pet a squirrel. I have to lock him out of the bedroom at night, because if I let him in, he'll spend the whole night stomping on my head. Also, he's kind of dumb. When I call his name, he just stares at the wall. Also, he farts a lot.

Conclusion: I should have bought the $600 Maine Coon that my friend David told me I couldn't buy because it would mean that I'm a weird Leona Helmsley lady. Who cares? I already have a freakin' cat tree in my living room! What's the diff?

Signed,
The Annoying One is Currently Trying to Rip a Button off My Shirt

Guess which one is which?