Saturday

FUCKING GIANT ROACHES

Warning: This blog entry is rife with the expletives AND capital letters, because I am talking about GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES. For the faint of heart (or my Dad, who finds cursing to be low-class), please avert your eyes.

Thurday night I had a horrible encounter with a GIANT FUCKING COCKROACH.

I should preface this whole blog entry by saying that I HATE roaches, fear them intensely and find them completely horrifying and repulsive. There's not one thing in the world that I hate more. NOT ONE THING.

I am fine with spiders! They eat other bugs and thus are a force for good! When they're in the house, I try to catch them in a glass and put them outside!


Spiders are helpful and wear hats!

I am fine with mice and rats! I saw a mouse in our apartment once, and it wasn't scary at all! I just went out and bought a bunch of those ultra-sonic pest control things that you plug in and that probably don't work!

Mice are cute and hug strawberries!

Giant roaches, however, cause a sort of horror-disgust-hatred-paralyzing fear combo in me. SEVERAL times when I have seen a roach, I have been so frozen in fear that the only thing I can do is just stare at it. I can't kill it because I'm too scared. But I can't go into another room because then I won't know where it went. It's terrible. I have had staredowns with giant roaches for the better part of an hour.


Fuck you, roach!
I don't care how cute this cartoon picture is!!


If you are my friend, do not fuck around with me and make jokes about roaches. One time when I was working on a movie shoot, a girl said to me "Ooh, Courtney there's a roach on your back!', then giggled as I freaked out. Once I realized it was a joke, I'm pretty sure I screamed "YOU FUCKING BITCH" in her face.

I would also like to add that I am from Houston, Texas, HOME of the giant cockroach. Home of the giant FLYING cockroach. My entire childhood was spent being traumatized by giant roaches. It doesn't matter where you live, it doesn't matter how clean your house is, and it doesn't matter if you spray for bugs. If you live in Houston, you WILL see giant roaches. They live in the trees and they can flatten their bodies and squeeze under ANYTHING. Fucking gross.

Last night's roach episode brought back a number of horrible roach experiences from my life:

1. When I was in elementary school, I was at my Dad's house after a softball game, and I went to use the bathroom and a FUCKING GIANT FLYING COCKROACH flew out of the toilet paper roll as I was SITTING DOWN TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. I yanked up my pants, threw the bathmat over it, and stomped it to death with my cleats. Satisfying.

2. One time in high school I was laying down in the living room watching TV when I looked up and saw a GIANT FUCKING ROACH on the ceiling directly above my head. I got up and swatted it off the ceiling with a broom and it FUCKING FLEW AROUND THE FUCKING ROOM. When it finally landed on the floor I bashed it to death with the broom, screaming bloody murder the whole time. I drove over to my friend's house afterwards and was so crazed that I almost got into a car accident.

3. Another time in high school, I was up late studying with a friend for a Chemistry test, and we went out to the kitchen to get a cupcake, and there was a FUCKING GIANT ROACH SITTING ON ONE OF OUR FUCKING HOMEMADE CUPCAKES! Pigging out!! He was so enormous that his butt was hanging off the edge of the cupcake. It was disgusting. The next morning, there was a big hole in the frosting where that stupid fucking roach had been eating.

4. Once when I was home from college, I Lysoled a giant roach to death in my mom's bathtub, and then was so disgusted by its dead body that I just left it there. The next morning, my mom just thought a roach had died in the bathtub. But it turned out that I had sprayed so much Lysol in the tub that a week later the finish on the bathtub started cracking and peeling and had to be totally replaced. Oops.

5. One time when I had my cat Milton, I was sitting on the couch eating some lunch and was absent-mindedly playing with something with my toe. Then I looked down and realized that it was a fucking dead roach. Ag! But then I realized that it had clearly been killed by my cat because its wings and legs were chewed off. This pleased me. I hope that fucker suffered.

6. One time in grad school, I had left a bunch of dishes in the sink too long, and when I went to clean them up, a fucking SHIT TON OF FUCKING GIANT ROACHES swarmed out. My friend Mark was there and he killed all of them, which was amazing. I later made out with Mark, which I think was at least partly a thank you for killing all those fucking roaches.

Since moving to Los Angeles, my encounters with roaches have been minimal. To me, the absence of giant roaches is hands down the NUMBER ONE BEST THING about LA. Better than the weather, the mountains, the oceans, whatever. Number one best thing is no giant fucking roaches.

However.

Thursday night I was sitting on the couch at about 1am when I looked up and saw a GIANT FUCKING ROACH sitting on the door of one of our shelves near the bathroom. It was fucking HUGE. And just sitting there.

I wanted to spray him with some Raid, but it's always terrifying to try and kill a roach that's on the wall. Because I know that giant roaches WANT TO FLY INTO MY FACE. They know that this would traumatize me forever and/or cause me to have a heart attack. But I assessed this roach and decided that although he was enormous, he was probably not a flier. I haven't been around a flying cockroach since high school!

So I got as close as I could stand (not that close) and sprayed him with some Raid. He freaked out and ran into the cabinet and I figured that was the last I'd see of him. But all the sudden he booked it out of the cabinet and started running all around the door frame. I screamed and sprayed him again and then he fucking took off and FLEW ACROSS THE ENTIRE LIVING ROOM. It was a fucking horror movie. I was screaming and spraying Raid at him the whole time. He finally landed on the wall on the other side of the living room, tried to climb into the blinds, and fell to the ground. One of the kittens started playing with him (it's about time, kittens!!!), but I couldn't take any chances, so I just drowned him in Raid.

About that time, Todd (who had been sleeping, as he had to get up at 6am) came out of the bedroom because he thought I was being murdered. He was glad to see that I was alive, and even did me the favor of picking up the dead roach and throwing it away! Hooray! However, he also pointed out that I had sprayed Raid all over everything in the living room. Oops.

But that fucking giant roach is DEAD! I win, fucker!!!

103 comments:

  1. 1. Moving to Austin from England, I had no clue that roaches could fly.
    I saw one in my first month here, put a cup over it and assumed it would be dead in the morning. The next morning, I lifted up the cup and the fucker (sorry, Courtney's Dad) flew at my face!!! I have hated those things ever since...

    2. Woke up once with something crawling in my hair. Turned out to be a roach. Managed to do a John Cleese-esque dance to get the fucker out and sat wide-eyed against the wall, large shoe in hand... Waiting....

    3. Working in a London basement club, I had to run a cable up a wall. I put my arm in the hole where the cable had to go and a swarm of the bastards ran over my hand, up my arm and down my back. More dancing ensued.

    Ugh.

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    1. Oh hell naw. I've lived in Texas for my entire life and have never had an experience even close to yours. I applaud you for making it this far, and I am SO sorry.

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    2. I was walking I to my room barefoot when I saw this little black shit scurry across the room under my precious bookcase. I had a mental brakedown. I was sobbing and screaming and my mother was laughing at me. Half an hour later after watching it scurry under my bed, I'm sitting with my grandmother trying to find a way to kill it. Its 11:16 and I have early class tomorrow. I will not be sleeping in that bed tonight, or ever for that matter. This thing was as big as my thumb and I hope to got it can't fly. I live by the beach in Brooklyn and I have never seen one this bed. I have been crying for almost and hour now. Send help if you can.

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    3. I was walking I to my room barefoot when I saw this little black shit scurry across the room under my precious bookcase. I had a mental brakedown. I was sobbing and screaming and my mother was laughing at me. Half an hour later after watching it scurry under my bed, I'm sitting with my grandmother trying to find a way to kill it. Its 11:16 and I have early class tomorrow. I will not be sleeping in that bed tonight, or ever for that matter. This thing was as big as my thumb and I hope to got it can't fly. I live by the beach in Brooklyn and I have never seen one this bed. I have been crying for almost and hour now. Send help if you can.

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  2. I relate. I have many giant fuckign cockroach trauma stories. IN the toilet. clogging the sink and pulled out by me thinking it was food. Ahhhhh!

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  3. Anonymous11:19 PM

    This blog needs more posts, god damn it!

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  4. Anonymous1:30 AM

    Okay people. I live in San Antonio, TX and the farther south you travel, (I believe) the larger, uglier and more aggressive the buggers become. I have been keeping my drain plugs pulled to and until tonight that has seemed a successful method of keeping them at bay. HOWEVER, around three this morning (in the dead of night as it were) I walked into my bath and there IT was on the wall, near the ceiling. Oh, why is it that they are always somewhere that they can fall from, freak out and get crazy?! When this leviathan hit the floor, it lowered its head and actually CHARGED me. That was a first in my book. So here I am wishing I had a Valium or something similar because I cannot stop trembling. And for those of you who do not have RAID on hand; I have used hair spray. I did not have hair spray tonight so I used a spray bottle of Resolve carpet cleaning spotter, disabled the filthy thing and quickly set an inverted jar over it. I will gladly trade cleaning kitty litter boxes for my husband removing the roach. No, I won't be sleeping tonight...

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    1. Does anybody know what foods they like so i can get it to come out of hiding and kill it? My dad suggested cheese

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    4. YES!!! I'm originally from Austin, so roaches aren't new to me. I recently moved to San Antonio after living in Detroit for four years where I saw ONE roach the entire time I was there-in the women's dressing room at the opera house where a bunch of crazy Michiganders screamed bloody murder about a tiny, almost cute, one inch roach until our conductor, of all people, smashed him with her tiny size five shoe. But I digress... Fast forward to two weeks ago. We moved in to our new house in San Antonio and my husband (from Arizona where roaches are few and small) comes in from outside talking about all the giant roach guts and roach turds he found in the storage cabinet in our side yard. I laughed and laughed at him for freaking out about regular Texas roaches (in my mind, I imagined the tolerable Austin variety I grew up with). Now fast-forward to last week. I walk outside to take out the trash and walk back toward the front door to go in. (Weird necessary side note: we have a camera installed in our porch light and we get notifications when people are at the front door and can even talk to them through our phones at any location!). Anyway, my husband was out of town for work and obviously got a notification and started talking to me through the camera from hundreds of miles away. In the middle of bantering, I look down and see a half dead GIANT FUCKING ROACH on the step to the front door!!! THANK GOD he was almost dead because I've never in my life seen a roach that big. His damn belly was so full and fat and long that I could see his yellow and brown underbelly hanging out the back end of his wings by about half an inch. He was at least a good three inches long, too!! I started yelling at my husband about the roach and he was yelling at me to kill it (hundreds of miles away and he was also freaking out!) I could tell it was going to gross me out to step on his ultra fat body in my TOMS, so I went inside, grabbed one of my husband's Doc Martens (extra long, extra powerful, and not mine!) and returned to smash him.... AND HE RAN!!! He couldn't get far, since I did kinda get him, but it was soooo sooo sooo disgusting to have to smash him like four times and it still wasn't enough power to get through his chunky chunks. He wasn’t there at all the next morning.

      Let's just say that I refused to look up what this giant ass roach could be until today, nearly a week later, and spent the days until now convincing myself that he was the leader and now he's dead and no other roach that big could possibly exist in the vicinity of my home. Your post both comforts and terrifies me. And I will never leave another crumb on the counter ever again.

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    5. Hi just an FYI. Arizona had thier share of these flying bastard's. They are prominent when Scottsdale AZ sprays Their sewers. Imagine that they go live in rush town Scottsdale for the winter and haunt phx am summer and they are huge! I think they eat the rich people's pets. My husband had been hunting one for days. Think your scared or grossed? I'm still freaked I don't sleep I shake and sit in one spot waitng. If I see it I yell for him and the dog to come get it. The bad part is... he's an amputee! I'm freaking yelling for the guy in a wheelchair! How terrible is that! Hate them and be just Laugh's at me. Hello pretend he got so I'll sleep but he knows. The little jerk guy away again tonight so steve will have to tear the room a part tomorrow... again.

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    6. Hi just an FYI. Arizona had thier share of these flying bastard's. They are prominent when Scottsdale AZ sprays Their sewers. Imagine that they go live in rush town Scottsdale for the winter and haunt phx am summer and they are huge! I think they eat the rich people's pets. My husband had been hunting one for days. Think your scared or grossed? I'm still freaked I don't sleep I shake and sit in one spot waitng. If I see it I yell for him and the dog to come get it. The bad part is... he's an amputee! I'm freaking yelling for the guy in a wheelchair! How terrible is that! Hate them and be just Laugh's at me. Hello pretend he got so I'll sleep but he knows. The little jerk guy away again tonight so steve will have to tear the room a part tomorrow... again.

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  5. There was one in my office today. In Tarzana (Los Angeles area). God damned disgusting roach just messed up my whole day. It was HUGE. And I'm wearing sandals. Fantastic. I, too, have a horrible fear of cockroaches. When I was young, I lived in a condo complex. All was fine until a nice young couple moved in next door from Texas. Guess what they brought with them? Yup. GIANT FUCKING FLYING COCKROACHES. I haven't been the same since. In fact, I blame this nice young couple for the mere existence of these monstrosities in California. It's probably not their fault, but my traumatized brain needs someone to blame.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about these things.

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    1. Anonymous7:57 AM

      I on the other hand love roaches especially crawling all over me especially in the most private areas sorrry don't want to sound disgusting or gross but i'd love to have them breed inside of me

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    2. Something is wrong with you ^^

      We just moved into an apartment. This is our first week here actually. Monday through today everything was fine. Then, I went looking for a pen in the kitchen to respond to a wedding invite... I pulled a drawer open and out it fell onto the floor. I squealed and my husband tried to squash it. It was too fast and went under the fridge.

      I just went into the bathroom and washed my face. Dried it off and as I was leaving there was ANOTHER HUGE FUCKING COCKROACH ON THE SHOWER CURTAIN! I Grabbed the bug spray we have handy and squirted the mother fucker until he fell on the floor...

      Then he went into a tailspin and freaked the fuck out so I ran out and slammed the door behind me. The only thing that's changed is that my husband brought home a fridge that was stored in a warehouse (its new) because ours went up. We hadn't seen them before this anywhere. Could the fridge have brought them in? Or were they just waiting for us to get comfortable before introducing themselves?

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    3. Do you know of any household products that can kill em. I dont have any raid

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    4. Do you know of any household products that can kill em. I dont have any raid

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    5. Anonymous5:39 PM

      Diatomaceous earth? Also good for other stuff (toothpaste, bone health, etc), so a good thing to keep around the house (& less toxic than raid, anyway)

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    6. Anonymous12:47 AM

      I had a terrafying experince witha waterbug here in georgia so it was about 2am and i went to the bathroom to use the bathroom witth the door open and i saw something on the wall in the hallway and it was a waterbug it looked at me and went to the spare room climbed down and started coming right towards ne i try to get something to throw at it so it would rub the opposite direction but it cane right towards me it gave me a pacnic attack now its still in the bathroom with the door closed and but towels around the door so it cant get out soon as my my dad or mom wake up they have to go and kill it im still shaking and cant go back to sleep

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  6. Anonymous6:09 PM

    Thank you for your stories...for a split second I was laughing so hard....and then I remembered that my fucking huge flying roach could still be in my living room. I am 9.5 months pregnant and shampooed my rugs yesterday. After hours of cleaning (nesting), I was finally about to call it a night and go to bed when I spotted the sucker. My dog saw it first and moved away from it (some pitbill he is!). I called my husband frantically to see when he'd be home, and he was on his way. By the time I hung up and turned, the sucker was gone. I asked my dog where it went, and he stared at the curtains. There it was, climbing up the curtains. That's when I discovered it must have flown across the room. Now I was sweating from head to toe and shaking so bad, I thought I was going into labor. The sucker climbed to the top of the curtain rod and stayed for 15 min while I just stared at it from my escape route while waiting for my husband to arrive and kill it. Just before he arrives, the sucker flies across the room and I run out the front door screaming bloody murder. My husband finally arrived, taking his sweet ass time, knowing how fucking scared I am of these nasty things. We get inside and I see it climbing up the wall, and I yell to my husband to kill it. He fucking missed! He lost it! I've been locked up in my bedroom for the past 24 hours hiding just in case it comes out again.WTF!!!!!!! A pregnant woman doesn't need this shit!

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    1. LoL oh my god girlfriend I feel your pain I seen two of these big black water bugs roaches in my apartment the last week they just exterminated the building I had to have my old landlord come in and kill mine I am absolutely terrified of these things nobody understands they think you just look like a big baby who doesn't know how to kill a bug but they don't understand it's more than that

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    2. I just moved back to Louisiana,,so my first encounter with one of these nasty ass things was last nigh. I saw something black on the wall and knew what it was right away. My husband wasn't home, so unfortunately I had to deal with it. I whacked it several times with a broom dodging it as it tried to fly in my face,and like you, my pitbull did nothing but stare at me like I was a crazy crack head! It fell on the floor and I told my dog 'Sikum boy, SIKUM!!! He looked at me like 'uh,,hellllllll no!',,,needless to say after what seemed like 2 hours,,I finally beat it to death and got rid of it. Thanks dog....

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  7. I stumbled onto your blog by accident as I was googling how to get rid of these suckers!! I've lived in L.A. all my life and know that when summer rolls around, so do these disgusting creatures. I take precaution and usually spray my doorways and windowsills and bathroom and stuff as soon as it starts getting warm. Therefore, my encounters with them throughout the years have been few. However, when one of those big ass cockroaches walks across your face while you sleep, that just brings on a whole new level of fear, disgust and hatred for these creatures and all of a sudden it feels as if you don't know what to do. And that is what happened to me last night and what brought me to this blog entry LOL It's been pretty warm these last few days but I haven't had a chance to do my annual bug spraying around my house. I was just getting comfortable and was an hour into my sleep when I was woken up by the sensation and the sound of something running across my face and into my hair and I knew immediately what it was. I lost it and started screaming bloody murder and shaking my head like crazy until it ran down my back and fell onto my bedspread and darted across the room. I sprayed him and then proceeded to spray the rest of the house at 2 in the morning, but then I couldnt get back to sleep. I sat on my bed scanning every inch of my room and I looked into my hallway and saw another one coming across the hall from the bathroom and straight toward my bedroom!! It's as if they all went and told their friends, "Hey! come in through the bathroom and then go across to G's room!! Her room is the hottest and she's freaked out by us so it'll be fun!!!" I screamed bloody murder again as I sprayed the hell out of him. Four in the morning and I'm still awake when I hear my cat out in the living room meowing at something. As I tip top over there, she's staring intently at this plastic tree I have near my front door and there I see a third!! *sigh* This just isn't right. Why these creatures were invented, I will never know nor will I understand.

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    1. Anonymous1:29 AM

      Lmao

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    2. You guys in the Los Angeles area who has these big black water bugs roaches one thing I've learned is they hate bayleaves put out some Baileys and they will be gone if this is a garage area or your apartment or whatever bay leaves help

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    3. Same here I was googling how to get rid of them and not get them!!! And here we are and btw. The person saying they them and wants them inside of him/her!!! Your sick and wrong and seek help!!!!

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    4. Same here I was googling how to get rid of them and not get them!!! And here we are and btw. The person saying they them and wants them inside of him/her!!! Your sick and wrong and seek help!!!!

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  8. I'm spending the night at the university tonight because I was just attacked by literally 27 giant flying tree roaches in my apartment. It was a surreal experience. And yes I'm in Houston. I've lived here my whole life and this is the first time I've seen so many roaches in one place. It was like someone was piping roaches in my window through a hose. I killed at least fifteen (literally--they're squashed on my floor right now) 3-inch roaches before I left, and they just kept coming. They were everywhere and extremely lively. Flying from the curtains to the wall on the other side of the room. I got the hell out of there. I've been looking on the internet to see if anyone else has had this experience. They were just continuously coming in through both windows, maybe all the windows in my apartment. The windows were closed--the roaches were coming in through cracks I guess. They were flying around all over the place outside when I was leaving. I don't get freaked out easily by roaches, but I've never had this experience before. Mice and rats are worse than roaches. I don't even get that freaked out by rats or mice anymore. I don't know what to do. I don't think I can sleep at my apartment any time soon.

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  9. Anonymous5:00 AM

    I am from Los Angeles and living in North Carolina. I can't wait to get away from the bugs here. My daughter told me she saw a giant cockroach, and I really wanted to think she was mistaken, but I guess not.

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  10. Anonymous8:34 PM

    I moved to Texas from PA and i will never forget the first giant fucking cockroach that I saw. I felt like I should get him a rabies cert and collar, or pay a pet deposit, or something. THEN the native Texans tried to lay that "water bug" crap on me. Really???? WATER BUG!!!

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    1. We call giant fucking roaches waterbugs for some reason, I'm guessing it might be because they're always in your shower or sink.

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    2. Anonymous1:33 PM

      Actually sweet heart it's because people tend to generalize when it comes to roaches. In the south or North america in general the german cockroach/roach (the smaller brown roaches usually found in homes) are water bugs. They are called that because they usually nest or like to be near water or moist areas. The big ass mutherfuckers that fly and the large ground dwelling brown or black ones are just different species of cockroach. All nocturnal and all filthy and disgusting in my opinion.

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  11. I just saw one just now in the bathroom. I screamed and screamed until my mom went and killed it. IT WAS THE SIZE OF MY ENTIRE HAND! Of course I also live in Houston, Texas but that still scared the hell out of me since it was THE BIGGEST I EVER SAW and it didn't help the fact that it was 5 inches from my face! I AM SO SCARED RIGHT NOW! I couldn't stop crying and my hands are still trembling... I'm so glad that I found this blog, it made me feel better since I know my friends would definitely make fun of me for this. They just doesn't understand. If the worst fear they have are staring at them in the face, they would be crying too. ANYWAY thanks for your stories it helped calm me down. I know i'm not alone. Hopefully one day the roaches will be extincted or something...They aren't even good for anything unlike spiders... I'm still scared because I know there might be more nearby...Can they smell fear? For some reason I'm the only one that encounters them in my family... Anyway thanks again... there's no way i'm sleeping tonight...

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  12. Anonymous12:01 AM

    I lived in Ft Worth years ago and that is my first experience with big roaches. My husband lived in Louisiana for years and he'd tell me "those aren't cockroaches, those are waterbugs", ha, do I have something to tell him now. I was pregnant with our son and I would waddle around the house with a can of Raid in my hand. I would spray the crap out of them, then set the can on top of them and tell my husband, "there I killed it now you get to get rid of it". What's funny is he's afraid of spiders, so I would take care of those for him and he'd take care of the roaches for me. We are back home in the Pacific NW now and I prefer it here. No big ass bugs to have to chase down the hall anymore. All I can say is YUCK!!!!

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  13. Anonymous11:17 PM

    Just screamed holy fuck! A roach that seemed as big as a cat, just scurried out from under the couch I am lying on! I hate and fear roaches in general, but this is the biggest I have encountered in Illinois! Since I am not wearing shoes, I picked up a large candle and squished it when I caught it. The sound repulsed me!!!! TomOrrow, I am buying an arsenal of bug sprays and calling the landlord!!!

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  14. Jalisa10:11 PM

    I just saw a giant fucking cockroach. I moved in my apartment 2 months ago not knowing it had a german roach problem. Those fuckers are fairly small but multiply fast as hell. I been dealing with that. I wake up in the middle of the night and go in the kitchen slowly to see if there is anything crawling before i step on the tile. There isnt and i feel relieve. As i turn around to flick on the light that is a massive fucking black roach staring me down in the hallway. I stare at it is utter shock and horror. Then the fear kicks in when i see its sturdy legs making it way for me. I scream like I see Jason. I think the neighbors thought i was being attacked. I grab my trusty raid and spray the bastard while shuffling backwards because the asshole is trying to attack me. The raid cripples it but it keeps moving so i press my finger harder on the trigger to get a more lethal dose. After a two minute battle the roach is belly up twitching and i am still screAming in horror. This was not one of my regular roach companions. This was a distant deadly cousin. When i say deadly I mean as in giving me a heart attack. I cried for 5 minutes because I knew i had to get it up because its just me in the roach ridden apartment. I get my vacuum cleaner and cry as i suck it up in disgust because i hear its hefty body hitting the inside of it. I still dont know how im going to empty the vacuum when it gets full. My life!

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    1. Oh god, German roaches are the worst, and to think you've got some giant ass American ones too. I'm so sorry man.

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  15. I found this blog because I have found not one, but TWO GIGANTIC FUCKING COCKROACHES in my house in the past week. And let me tell you the worst part. My two cats sat by this spot in the wall for a good 20 minutes, just waiting. I knew they were onto something. They're always protecting me. Anyways, the MINUTE I TURN THE LIGHT OUT, I hear the cats freaking out and some squeaking noises. SQUEAKING NOISES. I'm like Jesus Fucking Christ, please be a mouse. Be a rat. Be a fucking rabid rat, just be ANYTHING other than a gigantic fucking cockroach. I sat up in bed, shouting maniacally to my cats get whatever the FUCK is ALIVE AND SQUEAKING in my bedroom, cowering in fear and hoping they would kill the thing, but one cannot subsist upon hope alone. I got up, turned on the light, and it was a GIGANTIC FUCKING COCKROACH. IT SQUEAKED. I SHIT YOU NOT, it sounded like a small animal, not an insect. This happened last night and I literally went to look at a condo today. I'm fucking OUT of here.

    PS this blog post made my day.

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  16. Oh pps my husband killed the shit out of that fucker and my cats were handsomely rewarded.

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  17. Holy shit I feel your pain. I've been in Houston for several years and they scare the crap out of me. I have woke our entire house after finding one in the middle of the night. After a few bathroom experiences like yours, at night I will only go in there after I've turned the light on and peeked in. I used to leave bowls over their dead bodies until my husband was home - even if he was out of town for weeks. One time a bowl sat in the middle of the living room for a week, he came home, lifted the bowl and the fucker scurried away!

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  18. Anonymous11:14 AM

    Thanks for this post. I just saw some babies in my apartment a few nights ago. My roommate is in denial about what they were. I know from past roach traumas that there is no doubt what they are.

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  19. Anonymous4:51 AM

    I HATE THOSE THINGS!!! I'M 11 AND THERE IS ONE IN MY ROOM...RIGHT NOW!!!

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  20. Anonymous2:28 PM

    hilarious...
    but i'm in houston so i got up and closed my drains anyway...

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  21. Anonymous9:10 AM

    I just moved to Austin and my apt has a 'small' infestation of roaches. I'm a girl living by myself, and I can handle ants, spiders, even rodents. But I am so terrified of roaches I don't even use my kitchen. I've lost 10 lbs since I've moved here. Every night before I go to sleep I look around the room checking for roaches in a paranoid sweat. :C

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  22. lol, I loved the way you told us how you killed that GIANT FUCKING ROACH!

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  23. erika8:44 AM

    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST. Glad Im not the only lunatic. I have a weird sense for them so once there is movement I can look in a certain direction and generally there is one ruining my life and infecting my walls with their germs. I have lived in Florida my whole life and had to tolerate them being around at some level. They are so disgusting and I will never forget in college my fucking worst experience ever- getting out of the shower to get ready for class and grabbing a towel and one fell out!!! HUGE!!!! i almost slipped and broke me neck instead ran out of the bathroom butt naked and crying looking like a complete lunatic... still gives me the chills!!!

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    1. Erica I become paralyzed to if I see one of these huge things on the wall or anywhere I can barely move I am terrified to kill these things as I think they make it aggressive and come after me they are even too scary to kill

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  24. Anonymous8:56 PM

    Im a 17 year old guy who lives in houston and DAMMIT I got this new cubical for my computers and games and stuff and now just like 10 minutes ago I saw A FUCKING ROACH DAMMIT NOW I CANT SLEEP IN MY ROOM TONIGHT >_<...huge ass cubical with ALL these holes for the bastard to hide in FML

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  25. Anonymous8:34 PM

    Thank you, I love your post...

    I highly recommend using DEGERASER (i use Zep) There will be residue, but the little German ones just die within seconds--better than Raid or whatever you use and it can actually smell nice (citrus), the degreaser just tries to dissolve these fucking monsters :)

    For tonight, I saw a big one and I'm scared, put the bottle of degreaser nearby the bed just in case :'(

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  26. Anonymous11:37 AM

    I live and ga and have the same problem. I was in the kitchen making dinner and a huge roach fell in my hair and was holding on like it was riding a bull. Next I was in bed and I had on of the princess canopy type thingy's and I woke up and say one on it was super close to my face I went of to the other side of my bed stood up then went around it then swatted at it. It flew into the bathtub I turned on the water and drowned it. My mom ran up stairs and I not knowing I was screaming the whole time asked what happened and I pointed to the bathtub. she was mad because it was like 2am

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  27. Anonymous10:26 PM

    I am sussposed to move to Houston March 1st I think I will reconsider. I am from California and there is NO WAY IN HELL that I can tolerate Huge roaches Yuckkkk!

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  28. Anonymous5:23 PM

    I'm in Honolulu. They have GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES here too. I was about to brush my teeth when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that GIANT FUCKING COCKROACH crawling on the wall above my shower. I tried walking out slowly so as to not startle it when it starts flying at me!!!! I didn't know roaches in the US could fly!!! I had only ever seen giant flying roaches in Mexico. I run out of the bathroom screaming, half naked and slammed the door closed. I sat on my bed thinking that'd I'd be safe because I trapped it in the bathroom. WRONG. It crawled through a crack in the door and started flying all over my room!! I ran out of my room screaming not being able to run outside because I was half naked. WORST FEELING EVER! I grabbed my swiffer mop hoping that I could hit a home run. Then I saw it crawling on the floor, happily exploring. I beat that thing like 15 times and it WOULD NOT DIE! I yelled EVERY bad word imaginable with every hit until it finally stopped twitching. Thankful there are Mai Tai's everywhere here so I can drink them until I stop trembling. Maybe if I black out I won't remember this experience.

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  29. Anonymous11:05 PM

    West Hollywood in Los Angeles is FILLED with these things. They fly around in front of my building at night, and about once every month, one makes it inside the apartment while the door is open. Can't. Take. It.

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    1. I know I lived in West Hollywood for about 5 years right on Palm Avenue in the back of the building there was hundreds of them sometimes on the driveway they made in my apartment to there so gross plus the building had them really bad there's a lot of these in West Hollywood

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  30. Anonymous10:59 AM

    i live in florida, i dont even need to argue that im also traumatized for life.

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  31. Anonymous10:20 PM

    Its so refreshing to see that I'm not the only one who has this terrible phobia! My family and boyfriend just don't understand why I get so paralyzed and crippled by the sight, even the thought--no, just the mention of the word 'roach.' (Although I am understanding of their fears of snakes, rats, spiders...none of which bother me at all) I live in Georgia, and this southern humid state is plagued by roaches of all different sizes and species. I've had several roaches fly in my face--perhaps what started the phobia. A few years ago, I was trapped in my tiny kitchen in my apartment because there were three enormous roaches over the doorway. I went in to get a glass of water or something, and when I turned around, THERE THEY WERE. And let me reiterate--this kitchen was tiny, so there was nowhere to run or hide, and they were right above my only exit. I feared that if I made a run for it, one or all of them would fly at me or drop down on me, so I huddled on the kitchen counter with a frying pan in my hand in case they got close, just watching them, completely frozen in fear. Finally after what seemed like an eternity (although in reality it was only about 30 mins) my roommate came home and got rid of them. Sometimes, just having another person there makes all the difference. I'm pretty worried that my phobia is too strong to allow me to lead a normal life...I really want to move to L.A. to pursue a career in the film business...plus I have a lot of friends there and heard the weather was quite pleasant...but I don't know if I can move to a place that is rumored to have many roach infestations. Can anyone in L.A. (or anyone in general) give any feedback as to how to deal with this? Are the roaches really bad in L.A.? And, does anyone else have such a severe phobia that they've actually had to avoid places that are notorious for having roaches, even if their career and family are there? Any help would be greatly appreciated. :) Thank you.

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    1. Anonymous4:25 AM

      It isn't that bad. you can go the rest of your life not seeing one in LA if you are super clean and live in a house. the problem starts when you li e in condos and apartments. no matter how clean you are they can live and breed in the pipes and since you have shared walls in condos and apartments ... well that's where the problem is. vomit. roaches are disgusting.

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  32. Anonymous10:55 AM

    Well I'm reading this post at 2am because there's one of those giant ass fuckers in my bathroom RIGHT NOW and I really have to pee...I walked in all sleepy about an hour ago, pulled my pants down and it was right above the toilet, I tried to get it with bathroom cleaners but the fucker looked like a flyer so I was too afraid to spray it. I envy how boyfriends and husbands of other commentors here have the balls to kill roaches, my boyfriend's even more afraid of them than I am so we usually ask a flatmate to kill them. But today there's only us at home so it looks like my bladder's fucked.

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  33. Anonymous1:22 AM

    I'm still up at 3:30 am with this FUCKING GIANT ROACH that came out of no where, trying to come close to my bed, and it FLIED TOWARD ME. And I don't have a bug spray around. FUCK IT.

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  34. Anonymous8:44 PM

    OMG, I haven't laughed this hard in years. Thank you. I can relate since I live in San Antonio.

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  35. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  36. Anonymous12:01 AM

    Oh my god I can relate... I too live in Houston Texas and roaches scare the SHIT out of me... just now, I has trouble letting my dog in from the backyard. You know why? Cuz there was a GIANT FRIGGIN FLYING COCKROACH TRYING TO FLY IN... My god, I opened the door 3 times and it tried to fly in...I remember not too long ago I opened our utensil drawer for a spoon and a cockroach crawled up my hand and arm.. I HATE these little...well more like 3 INCH+ LONG FRIGGIN BASTARDS... Im not too sure if an exterminator would help. Anyways I just can't take it..

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  37. Anonymous10:31 PM

    I too am from Houston, TX and have a unbelievable fear of HUGH FLYING ROACHES! It all started when I was about 8 years old. It was midnight and my cousin and I had just watched Vincent Prices Wax Museum when we spotted this huge flying roach. This bastard proceeded to chase us around my grandmother's house. We were running from room to room screaming and it kept right up with us. That was the beginning of my trauma. From then on out I was terrified!

    Whenever I see one, it will chase me, I kid you not. It is like they smell my fear. I think my face has been distributed about the HUGE FLYING ROACH COMMUNITY!

    My husband thought it was in my head until he finally witnessed it. I had to run past one to get into my house and the giant monster was running the other way until I got close to it (like I said I had to run past it) it then turned and flew at me. My husband stood there in shock. He said, "Oh my god, you are not kidding!"

    There have been many times that I have crawled up the back of someone screaming, "KILL IT, KILL IT!"

    I am a pretty fearless person, so my kids think it is so funny to see me freak like I do when I see a HUGE FLYING ROACH. I too have long stare downs with them. Waiting for them to make a move. I have knocked down one of my own children (not proud of it) trying to run from one of those bastards.

    I read this blog to my daughter (cleaning up some of the language-she is 16) and she asked, "Mom, did you write that blog?" because everything that Courtney said sounded just like me!

    This blog and the comments that followed have been both entertaining and therapeutic! Thank you so much!

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  38. Anonymous5:47 AM

    It's now 2:37 am, and I am sooooo glad I am not the only one having issues with these roaches. I was sound asleep, when something crawling on me woke me. I grab a flashlight and it starts comming back at me after I knock it to the floor. I ran to the bathroom to get the flyswatter and now I am hearing things flying around me. I look around. There are roaches everywhere. It was like a highway of roaches, and I was in their flight zone. Maybe it's roach mating season or something. I killed about 15. Their all in the toilet. My ;partner is still sleeping, my dog was even helping me. I am so glad I found this blog. I feel better NOW. Thanks everyone for your stories.

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  39. Anonymous2:41 PM

    Funny blog...from a scientific standpoint, though, cockroaches do not 'smell fear' nor do they run towards a person with the intent of getting at them. Wind angles stimulates response that motivate the cockroach to move in a particular direction. In the absence of any strong wind flow these nasty creatures are disinhibited and move right towards YOU. Stupid FUCKING COCKROACH!

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  40. Anonymous10:56 PM

    i thought it was just me. they are so fucking gross i can't even look at them and there's one in my apt right now :(

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  41. Anonymous7:56 AM

    I can so relate! NC is crawling with them. I was planning on grilling hamburgers out on the patio. Pulled off the grill cover and a roach the size of a mouse scurried off the grill onto the concrete infront of me. I froze with terror and disgust. Having lost my appetite, I ran back inside, put the hamburgers in the frig and grabbed the ortho. When I came back outside, the SOB was still sitting there. I started spraying him and it did nothing but piss him off. He charged me! I ran to the door, but was so panicked that I couldn't get out of my own way to pull the door open. Of course I was screaming like a white woman (which I am) the whole time. When my husband came to rescue me, he was furious that I made such a scene over a bug. He thought I was atleast being attacked by a dog or snake. I grew up near Buffalo. I never saw a roach in my life. You heard rumors of people living in filth who had them, but it was kind of an urban legend. The worst part of my experience is that my husband never found the roach. I know he is out there holding a grudge, just waiting for me to lift the grill cover. That was three months ago. I have not grilled out since, nor do I plan to.

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  42. Ack omg good to know none of us are alone. Fuck, it's 1:50 am and half an hour ago while lying in bed dozing off next to my toddler I heard a crinkly sound in the room as if papers were being crinkled. I thought wtf and woke up and walked towards the window and towards the sound. Then I saw a big black thing scurry away on my baby's dresser!! Wtf!! Seriously fucking hate roaches. This one was one of the bigger ones I've seen like 3 inches (I live in Los Angeles). I don't even know how the fuck they get in. I am terrified of these pests and make sure I get the bug guys to come in to spray once a month. Lately if I see them they are dead as a door nail but wtf why is there a huge live one tonight inside my house?? Why couldn't it have been in any room other than my baby's room. Wtf. Seriously. So I had a stare down with it for 10 min before I finally decided to grab my husband without screaming bloody murder nor I dare to wake my child up. Hubby comes down, grabs two paper towels and kills it just like that (guess his chinese mentality kicked in and he just smooshed it) Wtf. Then I proceed to Ortho the entire room like a crazed maniac. Then every five min since I'm checking the books and crannies trying to figure out how it got in. My guess this time was thru the window crack. So I started googling how the fuck do roaches get inside a sealed weather proof home and this blog comes up. Not only were most of these posts similar incidents of what I have been through but humorous as well even though im sure it was not meant to come off that way. Now I'm still up and doubt I'll be dosing off anytime soon. I even cancelled my early workout cuz this fucker has me up scared all night hoping his bothers and sisters don't get in.

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  43. Anonymous12:17 PM

    I just killed one in my bathroom today. I think the GIANT COCKROACHES are getting resistant to the roach killers. I'm over 60 y.o. grew up in VA and had never seen a GIANT roach until I moved to FLA. Now live back in VA and I've seen a few. I hate them too!

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  44. Anonymous8:31 PM

    Soo yeah this just happened. I'm sitting in my room reading a book, (I love reading) so when I do I tend to zone everything else out. Well, first the noise started near my dirty clothes hamper and it sounded like a cat fidgeting with my clothes and bags, I looked up but didn't think anything of it but that it was probably just the ceiling fan making noises since it does that at times. So I continue reading, that's when I hear more noise , this time papers, that's when I turn around and still NOTHING. But now since I'm alert I'm waiting for another noise ( I got one) right by my fucking face on my curtain there's a big flying cockroach and I flatline (well I don't but in my brain I do) I'm eighteen and have been living in Los Angeles all my life and this is my first time seeing a roach this big that FLYS , it fucking flew like right after I spotted it and landed on my dresser, so I slowly backed out of my room and closed the door before putting a towel underneath it. NOW I'm.regretting not killing it because if I see it later I might have an attack! So I just grabbed three pairs of clothes and put them on with gloves and big boots , followed by a hoodie and tied it all the way down ( so I can feel secure) and went in to find that fucker!! Unfortunately he's nowhere to be found and now I won't be able to sleep in this house. I'm.actually considering going off to college early but it's in Florida and after reading these comments all I can think is FML. No more Florida! But I will be moving soon, I can't take what I just saw. I feel like crying but then I also feel like killing that thing for making me feel this way!

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  45. Hello Frndz....
    Thanks for your blog. I just landed up in your blog and I really appreciate your blog. It is full of resourceful information.

    Trauma cleanup Houston, texas

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  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  47. I just went spend the night at my sister's after a GFR emerged in flight as I was flossing last night. Screaming. Terror. Fleeing. I text my roommate and explained to her I'm a coward and can't deal with that. And, as the theme goes...I'm in horribly humid Houston. Going to buy goggles and arm myself in leggings, long sleeve shirt, gloves, and ball my hair under a hat and murder that mother fucker. She couldn't find it once she got home. I know he must be waiting for me then.

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  48. This posted empowered me in the war against these giant bastards, made me feel better about the sheer terror I feel upon encountering one, and made me crack up. Mostly I was cracking up because I am reading it as I hide out waiting for my husband to come home. I live in the Houston area. About an hour ago I looked up from a project I was working on and saw a GIANT FUCKING ROACH crawling on my wall then on to the ceiling. I quickly abandoned the project, called my three dogs, ran to the bedroom and shoved a blanket under the bottom of the door. I recently peeked out and it was no where to be seen. I quickly ran to the kitchen for the beer I desperately needed, unplugged the iron I left on, and retreated to my hideout again. Thank you for sharing your experience so I know I'm not the only one who becomes paralyzed in fear of these disgusting, psychologically traumatizing assholes.  I hope that one day I can fight them head on.  The last time I tried, I vacuumed it up only to watch it crawling around in the cylinder for hours. Another time I saw one in the drive way and ran it over with my car. Three times is what it took to finally kill the bastard. And I only knew it was dead because I felt the crunch under my tired from within the car. That crunch still haunts me. 

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  49. For the people that live in Los Angeles the big black cock roaches that are water bugs put bay leaves out I'll be gone

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  50. Megan8:56 PM

    Now i know, Im not alone in the world!!!! But honestly if im caught by myself with a big ass flying roach again( and living in brooklyn, HOME of the nast big flying roaches) ... I might just force myself to explode... Yup... I umm, yea. Id rather die lol. Aftee being traumatized as a child by my mother & brother, getting gang raped by 24 flying roaches the size of satans balls, i will never get over my fear, be able to kill a roach or live by myself. ��

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  51. Anonymous12:25 AM

    Omg. At least this blog helped me calm down a bit, and had me laughing so hard realizing how much power GIANT FUCKING ROACHES have over humanity. Meanwhile my freaking little lap dog is asleep in my arms, after scaring the GIANT FUCKING ROACH that I found in my bathroom.

    I'm home alone with him as my husband went out with his brothers, something he rarely does. I had plans with a close friend but decided to stay in, as I wasn't feeling well. Then It happened. I walked into the damn bathroom and saw the bitch in the bathtub. Huge and shiny, and I decided to get some idiotic fucking bravery out of nowhere and walked towards the bathtub, and kicked it a bit. I don't know why I kicked the tub. It was fucking stupid, I know that and I regret it with all my heart.

    Anyway, my plan was to throw water or better yet hot water on it to drown the MF. But instead, it CRAWLED UP THE BATHTUB AND GOT LOST SOMEWHERE WITHIN THE CURTAIN. I was barefoot and so tense, just contemplating what my next move would be. So I go the stupid route, again and shake the curtain. The bitch comes running down the side of the tub TOWARDS ME and I ran the short distance to my room and it went in too!!! I jumped onto the bed hoping the bitch wouldn't fly, and it went behind the open door then my dog whom I dearly love but am pissed off at a little on the inside, "runs to my rescue", sniffs the hell out of the roach and scares it into running under our wardrobe, and then simply walks away. I stayed on the bed for about 30 minutes wondering where we will be moving to and how I need to leave all my possessions behind in fear of taking any roaches with me. It's the first one I see this summer but I know there must be more.

    I built the courage to run to the living room and grab my phone to google war strategies for the battle with GIANT FUCKING ROACHES but it seems like I'll just have to wait for my man to get home because there is nothing I am willing to do, honestly. So now I'm just watching my dog sleep, and deep inside I'm jealous because I know if we don't get the roach killed, I will not be sleeping at all. I hate everything and everyone, simply because this happened.

    P.S. I live in Anaheim, CA. Not as magical as you think, even with having Mickey Mouse around the corner. Ugh. Stake out situation.

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  52. hello everyone, I'll just cut to the chase.I'm in my kitchen this morning and I see a big two-incher in my sink and I had water boiling on the stove for my coffee so I doused that Tucker in boiling hot water, which by the way, did the trick - YAY and now its stuck in the drain and I'm too scared to get it out I would pay somebody $10 to come and get that thing out!!!

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  53. I really like your share,..Thanks,.
    "3 Reasons Why"

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  54. Im only here to get my mind off the giant cockroach in my room now and im in shock. Soo pls pray for me this might be the last time tou hear from me.

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  55. Anonymous6:54 PM

    You think your story is bad. I live in South Dakota and have NEVER seen a roach in my life. I had a friend from Austin Texas stay with me. He took a shower and changed clothes as we were going out for the night. Got home 3AM been drinking and had to use the bathroom. Sitting on the potty doing my business and looking around and seen this bug I swear it was as big as my hand.Thinking to my self man am I seeing this right as I had been drinking and then it moved. thought I was going to have a heart attack right there...started screaming and couldn't move. guy friend came into the bathroom to see what was the matter and here I am pants down to the floor sitting on the potty with this horrified look on my face all he could do is laugh...He caught and killed what he said was a tree cockroach . He said it hitched a ride in his suitcase. Next day we bug bombed the bathroom as I wasn't taken a chance of another one hitching a ride to become a South Dakotan. So glad I don't live in that state as by now I'm sure my heart couldn't take seeing many of these UGLY bugs !

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  56. I'm currently trapped in Toronto and there's cockroaches here.
    I was innocently laying in bed, working on my computer when my son accidentally pulled down my tapestry that hung on the wall by my bed and IT fell onto my head, into my hair and down my neck and onto my arm before I managed to shake it off and run away. I finally caught it, spraying it with bug spray and trapped it under a glass.
    I haven't checked yet, it better be dead.
    I've seen 3 huge ones, between 2-3 inches. They don't fly, thank god, but they're big and black and disgusting.
    but it's Canada. Where's it's only warm 4 months of the year.
    I didn't even know cockroaches existed here! How does that happen?! I'm from South America, but you expect to see giant bugs there!
    I used to live in New Jersey and not once did I see a cockroach there!
    I'm moving. If I'm gonna be stuck somewhere cold, I expect not to be attacked by giant bugs that are trying to kill me.
    Anyways, off to wash all my bedding and look for a new apartment .

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  57. I, too, grew up in Houston and now, thankfully, live in California. I was recently reminiscing with a fellow Houstonian about growing up there and being traumatized by cockroaches. I came across your blog the next morning and thought it's the single best piece of flying cockroach-trauma literature on the entire Internet.

    Let's just say that I still have nightmares about Houston cockroaches at the age of 48. And for good reason. In the third grade while living in Sharpstown, I put on my shoes, tied them, got in the car with my mom to go to school, and halfway there felt something moving in my shoe. It was a roach. I threw off my shoe, which caused the roach to escape and begin flying around the car. While screaming, I immediately opened the door and fell out of the moving car. No joke.

    Worst thing in Houston is having a sliding glass backdoor, because as soon as you open it and go outside, a roach falls on your head, crawls down your shirt, and forces you to disrobe in public.

    But the single worst thing EVER is waking up at 2 a.m. feeling something crawling on your face, realizing it's a roach, and then screaming bloody murder while huntimg that roach down to its death, because there is no going back to sleep until it's dead.

    I will admit that Californians are wimps. The worst thing we have in Sonoma County are the occasional rattle snakes, and my friends here think I'm lying about flying cockroaches. I tell them never to visit the South, because all my cockroach stories are true, swear to God! I LOVE California. The weather is nice, the ocean is beautiful, and the people are great. But it's the absence of flying cockroaches that made it my adopted home forever.

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  58. I, too, grew up in Houston and now, thankfully, live in California. I was recently reminiscing with a fellow Houstonian about growing up there and being traumatized by cockroaches. I came across your blog the next morning and thought it's the single best piece of flying cockroach-trauma literature on the entire Internet.

    Let's just say that I still have nightmares about Houston cockroaches at the age of 48. And for good reason. In the third grade while living in Sharpstown, I put on my shoes, tied them, got in the car with my mom to go to school, and halfway there felt something moving in my shoe. It was a roach. I threw off my shoe, which caused the roach to escape and begin flying around the car. While screaming, I immediately opened the door and fell out of the moving car. No joke.

    Worst thing in Houston is having a sliding glass backdoor, because as soon as you open it and go outside, a roach falls on your head, crawls down your shirt, and forces you to disrobe in public.

    But the single worst thing EVER is waking up at 2 a.m. feeling something crawling on your face, realizing it's a roach, and then screaming bloody murder while huntimg that roach down to its death, because there is no going back to sleep until it's dead.

    I will admit that Californians are wimps. The worst thing we have in Sonoma County are the occasional rattle snakes, and my friends here think I'm lying about flying cockroaches. I tell them never to visit the South, because all my cockroach stories are true, swear to God! I LOVE California. The weather is nice, the ocean is beautiful, and the people are great. But it's the absence of flying cockroaches that made it my adopted home forever.

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  59. I just found this blog and have high hopes for it to continue. up the great work, its hard to find good ones. I have added to my favorites. Thank You.
    pest control san antonio

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  60. OMG I think you're my fucking soul sister!! Lol I'm sitting here freaking the fuck out in Fort Worth, TX because I have seen six of these HUGE things ALIVE in my house the last couple days... TWO of them located in MY BEDROOM!! I look up and this roach on motherfucking steroids is hanging out on my crown molding contemplating life until I noticed him and immediately froze. I think I lost all feeling in my legs and suddenly couldn't put any words together, only a fucking scream. I got up slowly as if I moved too quickly I was sure he was going to chase me. He is close enough to my bed that I'm convinced if I let him move too far then he will fall IN my BED. I do this dance where I run quickly then have no idea what to do so I run back, then turn around like three times until I can formulate an intelligent plan like grabbing the bug killer!! I grab it and spray him until my entire wall looks like an indoor water feature. This fucker starts RUNNING like he is crazed on drugs... then TRIES TO FLY but falls on the floor RUNNING. I try to scream but can't. I grab my deadly flip flop because I didn't want to have to throw away a nice shoe due to roach guts. I had to hit the fucker TWICE and he was still trying to run away!!! Omg I'm getting goosebumps just typing this. So I grabbed about 30 paper towels and bunched them up to grab the roach without any remote possibility of feeling the roach in the paper and threw him into the toilet and flushed. After throwing the paper towels away I went back to bed and tucked every bit of my bedding into the mattress and pulled my pillows away from the wall eliminating any fabric roach bridges onto my bed, but that's when I noticed the vent on my ceiling, the vent that is DIRECTLY OVER MY FUCKING BED. Now I'm sitting here wide eyed glancing at the vent every few seconds swearing I hear one of those fuckers scrittering around ready to crawl out. Did I mention several years ago two of these bastards crawled out of the vent in my living room???? I literally just dry heaved. I had to go put something in the kitchen a few minutes ago and STEPPED ON ONE in the living room. I really love my house and have enjoyed it for the last seven years but now I HAVE TO BURN MY FUCKING HOUSE DOWN.

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    1. LOVE YOU SISTER!!! In atlanta feeling exactly the same way!! Have one trapped. Won't sleep tonight and probably going to slap my bug guy - WTF??!!!!

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  61. Interesting read, found while searching for my own blog.

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  62. Anonymous3:55 AM

    I live in south Alabama where it is hot and humid and those fuckers are everywhere! Well, very early this morning I woke up to go to the bathroom and when I came back and laid down in my bed, I proceeded to play on my phone because I was wide awake. So, I am lying there looking at my phone and my cat jumps on the bed and immediately starts to chase something. At first I thought oh she has a toy or something she brought up here with her to play. HELL NO! It was a giant freaking cockroach, and I know this because that nasty bastard crawled over my back and towards the light on my phone! I freaked out and yelled, which woke my husband up who then came and killed it (thank god)! Thanks to my cat, I am now traumatized and probably won't be able to sleep in my bed for a few nights! Thanks kitty!

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  63. I LOVE YOU!!! You just took the words out of my mouth (minus a few more F-bombs from me). I'm sitting here in my living room with a giant flying roach trapped under a salad-sized tupperware bowl with two boots on top. I'm terrified it will get out and get to my six year old twins. It's 11:43pm. I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight. I can't. It's trying desperately to escape and I used a whole bottle of 409 with bleach to weaken it as I chased it around the living room. I finally wore it down so I could drop the bowl over it. Seriously don't know what to do. I can't risk waking up to an empty bowl. i don't think i'd be able to go to work tomorrow knowing I'd come home like a sitting duck waiting to be attacked by this thing. So, I've been searching far and wide for what to do. Then I found your blog. Love you - seriously, you made me laugh in the middle of a crazy crying breakdown. THANK YOU! Now back to watching this thing...

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  64. I have never seen these around my house before. I live in the Riverside area, all of a sudden I've been seeing them every single night. Does anyone know why? Does it have anything to do with El Niño? Any clues would help. They are freaking me out.

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  65. I love that I came across this blog, I am absolutely terrified of these gross disgusting creatures, makes me not feel so crazy reading all the stories, I live in AZ, this time of year they are always everywhere outside, but recently have been seeing at least one a day inside. I'm always armed with roach spray to attack, found one tonight on my living room floor when I got home from work at 3 a.m. uggghhhh so frustrated and scared to go in the bathroom...one was in the shower the other day as I almost got in, they are so huge and so gross and don't understand how all of a sudden they are in my home

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  68. Anonymous5:15 PM

    You all slay me! Was reading about the sudden flying cockroaches in NYC with this heat wave. The "experts" are saying flying roaches really don't fly, they glide slowly downward, and rarely reach 2 inches long...

    ALL of us from Houston know better than that! They DIVE BOMB you with laser focus and accuracy. A 2 inch one would have been a blessing. These GIANT FUCKING COCKROACHES in Houston are at LEAST 3 INCHES LONG.

    My last apartment in Texas was in a grand historic home on Swiss Ave in Dallas. The fuckers lived in the trees and would strut down the sidewalk at dusk like they owned the fucking place. I am not kidding.

    Of course my apartment was Ground Zero. I got so desperate near the end that I actually borrowed a respirator and sprayed about 20 cans of the Bengal dry spray all over every surface of the entire place.

    I truly considered getting a bug net for my bed out of sheer desperation, but then thought it might trap them IN instead of OUT.

    I can't even go into more detail. I swear I have PTSD from that last experience.

    Your stories with the hairspray, grease remover, basically any liquid that sprays crack me up. I remember for sure that Febreze does nothing, just FYI!

    I moved to Boston. No roaches in this city, or other creepers. We had a bout of house mice when our neighbor moved - I would take those over cockroaches ANY DAY.

    May the force be with you all in Texas.

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  69. Anonymous8:22 PM

    From Texas here. I moved to the Houston area from Milwaukee, later Alabama. I didn't actually even know what roaches were. Houston was a REAL shock. I went in the the kitchen in our rent house that first night. Turned on the light and the whole kitchen was full of roaches. They went nuts, they jumped all over me, in my hair, my nightgown. I was screaming and my husband rushed in and had a look of total horror on his face as he tried to brush them off me. There were hundreds of them!!!! Later in another house, I encountered a jumbo roach. I dropped a ten pound bag of kitty litter on it. I picked the bag up, the roach was in two pieces AND THE FRONT HALF RAN AWAY!!! OMG!!! San Antonio was the worst (well, other than that first rent house) We were in a nice apartment complex. And, there were roaches everywhere. I spent most of my nights, killing them. I had a large sponge that I would dip in scalding hot water, and just hit them with it. I made somewhat of a dent, but never got rid of them. San Antonio is the worst for Roaches.

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  70. Anonymous8:27 PM

    As for spiders, I must also mention that Houston was the worst for those too. I hate spiders that are so big that when you look under the bed, you see two red glowing eyes and the body of the spider is no where near the floor!! I have had tarantulas run over my foot in the dark, only to spot it seconds later with a flashlight. God, I hate bugs. I've done my share of screaming over them.

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  71. Anonymous3:07 AM

    I just moved to Texas about 3 weeks ago ans never knew about the GIANT KILLER FUCKING ROACHES. I'm from OHIO where they have NORMAL size roaches that are more tolerable, but even though I still hate them all. I literally have a phobia of them and about 10 minutes ago I had a heart attack (felt like) from seeing a 3 inch roach just chilling, with not a care in the world. Why the FUCK didnt anybody tell me about the mutated roaches that are here? I cant sleep and I'm having a mild panic attack. What can I do? Is there a support group or a solution cause I'm scared to death about a bug that is bigger than my thumb.

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  72. I am from North Troy, NY. I moved to Louisiana a bit from the Texas border and I'm hating these big ugly things. Where I'm from if you had roaches you lived Im The ghetto or were dirty. Here it doesn't matter how clean you are. Not one bit..I hate them..hate the big ass spiders..hate the mosquitoes the size of birds...I'm still working on convincing my husband to move north for awhile. Give my anxiety a break!

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  73. I am from North Troy, NY. I moved to Louisiana a bit from the Texas border and I'm hating these big ugly things. Where I'm from if you had roaches you lived Im The ghetto or were dirty. Here it doesn't matter how clean you are. Not one bit..I hate them..hate the big ass spiders..hate the mosquitoes the size of birds...I'm still working on convincing my husband to move north for awhile. Give my anxiety a break!

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  74. I HAVE A FUCKING PHOBIA WITH ROACHES. I HATE THEM SO SO SO MUCH. I WISH THEY ALL DIED. THERE IS ONE HIDING IN MY FUCKING ROOM RIGHT NOW AND IT IS FUCKING FAT AND HUGE. IT'S ROAMING AROUND, NOT GIVING A FUCK ABOUT MY SCREAMS OF TERROR, THINKING THAT HE/SHE CAN JUST CASUALLY CRAWL AROUND AS IF MY ROOM WAS IT'S TERRITORY. NOW I'M STUCK IN MY MOMMY'S ROOM BECAUSE I'M TOO GODDAMN SCARED TO GO BACK AND KILL IT. I CAN'T KILL A ROACH, I'M JUST TOO TERRIFIED. IT'S HIDING, IT'S ALIVE AND WELL. AND NOW I WON'T BE ABLE TO FUCKNG SLEEP AT NIGHT BECAUSE THAT BITCH IS STAYING IN MY ROOM. I FEEL LIKE CRYING.

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