Bloody Nose, Bloody Knee

Tonight in softball practice, I was trying to catch a ground ball that took a nasty bounce and it hit me right in the nose. Hard. The first thing I felt was total stupidity. I mean, who gets hit in the face with a softball? Children. Goofballs. People who can't play softball. I felt embarrassed because I thought I might start to cry, so I just covered my face with my hands and started walking towards the outfield. Then I looked at my hands and realized they were all bloody. Yikes!

I was really hoping my nose wasn't broken. I kept thinking about how your nose is always growing because cartilage keeps growing forever, and that people who get hit in the nose a lot (like boxers) end up with bigger noses because all that pounding to the cartilage makes it grow more. (It's definitely possible that I made that last part up.) But I really don't need my nose any larger. The Davis family has a history of large schnozes. My grandpa had a big ole crazy nose, which I remember as being constantly red. When I was a kid I had a pretty fat nose. Apparently my Dad used to say to me, "Don't worry, Courtney, we can always get you a nose job." I don't remember this at all, but I'm sure it scarred me internally somehow that I'm still working out. Thanks, Pop.

But my nose isn't broken. Or at least doesn't appear to be. Although the bridge of my nose is currently swollen, which I think makes me look like I have fetal alcohol syndrome.

Or like Rocky Dennis from Mask.

I made Brian take a picture of my face all bloody so I can at least remember that I'm 2% tough for having a bloody nose (98% ridiculous).

I also bloodied up my knee in last Friday's game when I attempted to slide into 2nd base. I was running to 2nd and I saw the shortstop catch the ball and I thought, well I might as well try and slide. I didn't want to just run right into his tag. (I should note here that I've never slid into a base before in my life.) Anyway, I stuck my feet out in what I thought would be the start of a slide, but somehow ended up tumbling forward onto the ground on my hands and knees, and then kind of rolling over. I can't really explain the physics of it, but I can say that after I tumbled to the ground and skinned my knee, I realized that I wasn't even near the base. Sigh. The shortstop was pretty horrified.

I have never been coordinated. When other girls were learning how to do handstands and flip-flops in gymnastics class, I couldn't even do a cartwheel. A front roll was the about the best I could muster. I am not well-balanced. I like to blame it on my tiny hands and feet, which are too small for my body. It's the reason I don't wear high heels very much. (Okay, one of the reasons.) I used to wear heels more often and I would fall down all the time. I've fallen down just crossing the street.

The upside to all this is that our rag-tag softball team is on a 3-game win streak. This Friday, we play for the championship of the losers bracket. Yeah!!

Signed,
Rocky Dennis

There's Plenty of Crying in Softball

On Friday we lost to a team called Beverly Hillbillies for the second time this season. We lost our first game to them by 8 runs (which I thought was a lot until we lost a recent game by 14). But Friday's loss was much more heartbreaking, because we played our best game of the season and were actually ahead for most of the game. Then they came back to tie it in the last inning and they ended up winning in extra innings. We were all pissed.

Even though our team as a whole played well, I personally played super shitty. Highlights included:

1. I did a crappy job of batting all night. I never made it on base once, and actually swung and missed the ball in 2 different at bats. Swinging and missing a slow-pitch softball is totally dumb. That's all I can say about it.

2. I was our third out in 2 different innings.

3. I was also the first out.

4. It was my fielding error that allowed the other team to score the winning run.

5. On the same play, I also managed to injure my thumb, which is now all bruised and swollen:

At the end of the game I felt like I was about to cry. I managed to keep it together during the "good game, good game" part, but as soon as I walked off the field I got all teary. Then I think someone said "Are you okay?" and it was all over. Hello, crying in front of coworkers.

I don't worry too much about crying in public because I've been doing it my whole life. I've cried in front of teachers, bosses, co-workers, salespeople, doctors, cops, strangers, you name it. I cried in front of a guy at the post office once. Another time I cried in front of the lady working the Taco Cabana drive-thru. I remember crying in 1st grade about my penmanship (I thought that the way that I wrote the "y" on the end of my name wasn't up to par). Whaddaya gonna do? It's how I'm built. Anyway, crying is supposed to relieve stress and make you live longer. So at this rate I'm going to live to be a thousand.

Softball Game #2

Lost 12-8. At least better than 18-10! We might be ready to actually win one next week.

Or we'll just lose them all and be like the first softball team I was on, The Eagles. We came in last place 2 years in a row. All because our stupid coach was a busy lawyer and never actually held any practices. It wasn't until I got on the Red Devils that I found out people actually had practices every week. I always wanted to go back and kick that guy in the shins.

Our team got jerseys this week, which was great. I also bought pants, socks, cleats and batting gloves last week at Big 5. My pants are a youth large, and might actually be football pants. I don't care! They look good!

Highlights for me at this week's game included hitting a nice line drive, bloodying my knee, and catching an infield pop-up, which is exactly the kind of thing I dread and the whole reason I'm reading The Mental Game of Baseball. I was so excited after I caught it, I did a little victory dance. Todd said I was showboating. Sigh.

We also decided that the other team was trying to cheat and that the umps were being unfair. Three different times we got called out on rules that we didn't know about: (1) runner can't leave the base before the ball has left the pitcher's hand, (2) runner can't stop between bases even if they're trying to avoid a ball in play, (3) runner can't overrun the bag even if they get back to the bag before they get tagged out. (That last one was the one I got called out on, and I think it's fishy.)

We also took team and individual portraits today at work! Photos coming soon.

Softball!

Played my first company softball game tonight. We lost 18-10. Real Bad-News Bears style. They scored seven runs in the first inning, we scored zip. My first at bat, I got hit in the arm by my own fly ball.

We rallied in later innings, but never got closer than four runs. My game highlight was hitting a 2-run RBI single in the last inning, although I then promptly got tagged out (to end the game!) because I was caught off first base after someone caught a line drive. Bummer.

I was starting to have flashbacks of being on the West University Softball All-Stars Team in 6th and 7th grade. We would go to tournament games with other leagues and get our asses handed to us. We'd lose 30-0, easily. There was no "mercy" rule, so we'd just chant mean things to the other team. The "You Ugly" chants were our go-to:

u-g-l-y
you ain't got no alibi

you ugly
yeah yeah
you ugly

brother sam
sister sue
they're both ugly
just like you

you ugly
yeah yeah
you ugly

y-l-g-u
yo mamma's ugly
just like you

you ugly
yeah yeah
you ugly

Classic!!

We also made up our own chants, mostly based on the fact that the girls on the other teams were about twice our size. They were big girls. Most would go on to play college ball, I'm sure. The one chant I always remember is:

Get back
Get back
Get back
to the woods
your team ain't got no class
and your coach is no good

I should have pulled that one out at tonight's game. The other team was full of bruisers.

Jesse from my improv group is going to loan me "The Mental Game of Baseball". It's going to keep me from making mental mistakes (see: fly ball in 2nd inning of tonight's game). I can't wait!

Yes, I am wearing the same glasses.